I’m going to type this up because it makes it feel a little more legitimate… other than that it just feels like I’m having an unnecessary break up with tumblr. Haha this feels weird.
I think I’m going to move away from my use of this blog as a means of self examination. My goal was to better understand my gender, and to acknowledge with words what I’ve been feeling for 10 years but was unable to say. I’ve come to celebrate my femme side, and can recognize what components of my daily facade are my genuine masculinity and what components are bullshit mechanisms that try to conceal my feminine aspects. I know and accept that I’m not cis-gendered, am attracted to both men and women on some level, have begun to move away from sex-driven interactions with peers and am (for the first time ever, possibly) feeling the desire and confidence to have meaningful relationships with others. In words, I’ve accomplished the goal I set out to achieve and I think its time to approach this problem from a fresh perspective.
I love what the wonderful tumblr community has shared with me, and your words, images and links have created a forum through which I can get feedback from about my own personal dysphoria. I feel that the way I’ve transitioned into using this page is much more oriented towards some form of gratification (how many followers do I have? how many people have liked what I’ve written about?) rather than an evolving gender inquisition. I don’t think that sitting behind a computer screen anonymously blogging about manifestations about gender is the way to figure this out. Now that I’ve found some acceptance of myself, I think its time to get out and interact with people in real life.
This has been an important step on my path, but I’m ready for the next one. I think that moving away from my use of this blog is something necessary to get there. Cheers, and here’s to what will be.